recovering

as i lay here trying to figure out how i can possible sum up the past few days and wrap it all up in a pretty bow, i am struck with how obtrusive the package really is. there is no definitive way to describe all of the thoughts, experiences and just strange out of my comfort zone directions my journey has taken me since i woke up at 5am friday morning to head in for surgery.

i was nervous. i can't remember ever being so nervous before. and to an extent i was alone. they kind of shuffle you through to get you going, shuffle out the family, and bam! i don't remember much. that's so strange, not remembering time and space in your life. i woke up, thank God i woke up! something you don't really want to think about but kinda lurks in the back of your mind. and of course the doc comes by while i'm completely loopy and so I just wish I could remember everything he said. but i saw pics, i want to get my hands on those pics! that rare mass that was enjoying space in my body while causing me pain-GONE!

and i am so thankful. Matt had Fri, Sat & Sun off work so I was able to sleep those days away on my pain pills, 3 incisions in my tummy make for a sore mama. I watched some movies, but basically was holed up in my room like a delicate little porcelain doll- ok not really! They would bring me yummy food, I am so picky even when I'm out of it. I have to say Panera Bread is at the top of my list, the Creamy Tomato Soup w/ Asiago Croutons- mmmm mmm good! Today, Wednesday, was the day I have been looking forward to. I knew I would have to go without pain pills Monday & Tuesday so I could get up early, get the girls ready, and drive the girls to and from school. Last night Emma had her little preschool Thanksgiving program, I wouldn't have missed that for the world! I just put in our Thanksgiving Day dinner order at WholeFoods. I was feeling a little guilty buying our meal, but the soreness I am feeling today has been a good reminder of how impossible helping with any sort of decent meal tomorrow would have been. Matt stopped by a great Tampa bakery, Kalupa's and put in our order for their yummy Pecan Pie and their out of this world Brown Bag Apple Pie. Kinda bummed on the couch right now, really wanted to go to the USF Girl's Volleyball game with Matt & the girls today, but just knew sitting on the bleachers for that long would have been completely miserable. So as I lay here on the couch, watching a few shows courtesy of the DVR, I am struck by a few things-

1. Matt is HOME for Thanksgiving! He wasn't even supposed to be home, so for all of us to be together it's just an incredible blessing.
2. Being layed up has really made me realize how much I miss my camera and shooting off photos at will. I can't wait to be healed and rolling around on the ground to get some awesome new shots, to tell some amazing new stories.
3. I have great people in my life. friends old and new, and family who prayed for me, thought of me and even sent me flowers...beautiful bouquets of color and fragrance that I am looking at right now!
4. My doorbell just rang and there is no way I am getting out of my comfy spot to go tell one of Nat's friends she's not here lol
5. Nothing like being hungry, watching Food Network and having a bowl of cereal :)
6. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and I have A LOT to be thankful for!
Ok, I am losing steam, ready for some more meds, wondering why I tried to do some laundry yesterday because I am definitely paying for it today!
I leave you with some photos I took of my beautiful bouquets...couldn't resist! Nothing can keep me from that camera lol

This bouquet is from my sweet beautiful friend Kara



and from my always supportive mother and father-inlaw




red roses from my favorite people, Matt & the girls



and these came yesterday from Matt's office, a really nice surprise



thanks for all the love and prayers everyone, it keeps me humming right along~xo

s is for...

surgery. having it tomorrow. nothing major really, but it's nervewracking. and it's kind of all the processes to get there that make your stomach do nose dives. had a pre-op appt. on Tuesday, lots of paperwork, living will stuff, huh? wristbands, organ donor? huh? yes. ok. lots of procedures, you'll go here, here's a security code for your family, wear this green hospital band on your wrist for the next 3 days and don't take it off whatever you do, just in case you need a blood transfusion. huh? wash with this stuff the night before and morning of surgery. ok. wash wear? duh. head to toe. ahh yes, of course. don't eat or drink anything after midnight (only an hour and a half left on that deadline), pack an overnight bag, are you allergic to anything? sign here, do this, don't do that. ok...



s is for...serenity. because yes i am giving up control, trusting a doctor i met less than a month ago to care and diagnose me. and yes it is minor. something kinda rare, but we need to go in and figure it out. so back to serenity. peace from anymore pain, that's good news. trust that things unfold easily when it is as it should be, and it has. and it is- as it should be. so here are a few of my images that give me serenity. i am just slightly nauseous and a little nervous but know that in a few short hours it will all be history...
images of Matt & the girls, when we were in this place, at this moment- that is what will keep me still. and a few words that i borrowed from a friend...Less of me, Less of me and more of
HIM~

street- part 2

ahh does time fly. the time between Halloween and Thanksgiving, well it's already here. so without further ado, the rest of the Guavaween street photos! this one's all about the kids. unfortunately, our Nat didn't stick around for the fun. she did a dance performance at the festival and then hit the road for a birthday party sleepover extravaganza. but Em, well she's stuck with us! and therefore lots of pics of my Em...
wild haired and crazy


daddy taming that girl with a ponytail lol

my baby girl sweet as candy...can you tell she loves being in front of her mama's camera?!




one of my favorite images of the day, these boys in all their Batman glory

waiting for the parade I had this brother and sister sitting next to me.

big brother was so attentive and just oozed sweetness

that smile and those joyful eyes, he was a real gem to photograph

but the baby girl, wow. she was just looking right through my camera...pretty special!

on the other side of me at the parade was this young hip mama with her daughter and friends.


it was all about the lollipops for these lil' ones


and here is hip mama's daughter, quite the stunning young beauty


the thing i love about all of these street shots is how much it forces me to think and move all at once. first and foremost i always asked permission, never a photo taken without my subject's knowledge. lesson learned and thank you from the great Rick Chapman. second, I don't shoot with a zoom lens, so I am as close to my subjects as it appears. and because of this I only have a couple of photos of each subject, hit or miss. it was an exercise in shooting from the hip, going wth my gut and capturing images of the color and life that moved me in the moment. i can't wait to get out there and do it again!

street

Ok, with all the election stuff out of the way I am finally posting some of my fun day of street photos! Right before I was taken out by a little lingering flu bug I had an amazing day at a festival here in Ybor City called Guavaween. It really was just what I needed. A day reminiscint of Mardi Gras with a Halloween flair and a day to wander with my camera, taking pics of whatever inspired me, whatever caught my eye. What I discovered is that I really love street photography. That there's something so raw and spontaneous about it. And I think that's when I'm at my best. When I don't have it all mapped out, when I don't have each and every thing thought through. But when I just feel my way through, I think that's when I feel my most authentic and really get joy from behind the camera...




initially as I was walking past this guy and his street commrades, i thought cool guitar case. and then he wanted to sing for me, luckily he gave us the edited version for our little 4 yr. old's ears of knock knock knockin' on the drug dealer's door (think knock knock knockin' on heaven's door). yep, that was really from the the edited version. and yea, it was obvious this guy had seen some hard times, was living a hard life. but when he sang, he was just for that moment alive again...music's good like that.





and then i saw these two cats walkin' down the street. how could you miss them?! they had that vibe of old time Cuba, swingin' times and just exuded bravado (not to mention they were "Ambassadors"...so official!). Oh the stories they could tell, can't you just hear it now?! makes you just want to pull up a chair and stay awhile...



some more color and flavor to chew on...






gotta love Slippers in his Harry Potter outfit, you think he likes it?!

and how cool of the zoo to bring this guy...who ever knew sloths could be so cute?! i think he liked me...even the animals are giving me eye contact! work it boys! lol

ok, i have another post to share tomorrow of the kiddos- some amazing kiddos that's for sure! for now, I will leave you with a couple of my very favorites...







till tomorrow...Good Night!

op ed

Day after election day and I am emotionally spent. I will refrain from blessing you all with my political views, but I think I've mentioned before that I was feeling somewhat disenfranchised by the times and our options for our next leader. America has spoken. She has covered every corner, canvased each and every front door and let's hope for America's sake that her people made the right choice. I have never been a follower, a person who clings to other humans or their passing ideals to guide my moral compass. I have never been LOUD. I have never shoved my views down the throats of the unwitting observer, so I am trying hard to make sense of where this leaves me and where I fit into my country. I listened this morning to a man, a black man, recount his nearly being beaten to death not so many years ago to witness such a historical moment. This brought tears. His life story makes me proud. Proud that inspite of our shortcomings, America is great and always up for the challenge, always ready to lead the way. Though historical and inspiring, I am unsure if our new President-elect was THE man. For me he is no rock star. He is no MLK. The righteous wind at his back does not make him righteous. He is a charming, eloquent, confident young man with lots of ideas. Does that make him qualified to be President? Apparently so.

On the historical day that was Election Day 2008, I am perplexed to see that not all people will be granted the same rights that others share in our country. The right to be recognized by your state as a legal partner in a committed relationship is not about religion, it is about recognizing the rights of citizens to be treated fairly within the law. Apparently California is overwhelmingly ok with electing a minority President, yet is unable to look past it's personal moral beliefs to grant others' fair rights. That is a shame.

I pray for our new President. That he will rise to the occassion, that he will represent America and her people in these difficult times in all the ways that he has promised. I hope that all those that hung their hopes on this one man can take this momentum and shift it in their own lives to make and effect change. God Bless America, it's new President-elect Barack Obama and all of the people he was been striving so hard to serve.