inspired

Inspiration is a back pocket guide
One you can pull out to recall experiences
and how they made you feel
It's reaching for a moment
It's feeling alive with every breath
Knowing that life won't disappoint you
that kneeling before your dreams
is a worthy cause
Heaven is an inspiration
And when I look at my girls
I see heaven...
glowing all around and
within their beautiful little souls.
While I'm flailing or doubtful
When I don't understand my purpose
I look at my Heaven
the one God blessed me with
each and every day.
I look to them for all that I have been
all I want to be
all I will to be.
If only for one day to be inspired
to feel with my heart these radiant
shining white lights of love.
For then I will have lived.
Passed through a channel of time
and history that made sense,
that really mattered.
Today is a reminder.
A reminder to be thankful.
For I have been truly gifted
I clench in my hands the tiny fingers
of a lifetime of authentic and pure joy-
and that is enough.
--Call me inspired.

details, details

It's been a little over a week since my last post and life has been busy. Some weeks are better than others, but I have learned that busy days are always a good thing, especially when you're trying to speed up time. My little sis Sally and my niece Taylor were visiting us a few weeks ago and it was really fun to be able to get some photos of them. We miss them terribly already, but diving into the photos is a great reminder of what a special time we had together. Too bad it was such a short trip, just think the LONGER you stay Sal the MORE pics we can get next time! So sharin' a few details, it's always the little things that keep me humming along and these shots just make me smile...

my little niece Taylor gathering flowers


and sitting close to her mama...


Now you can see why Taylor was sitting next to her mama! As soon as we got to this cool new spot my sis got injured (on a nail maybe?)! She thought it was completely gross, but I still took her picture- I couldn't help it. I was captivated by the shape of the blood (sick I know), but to me it looked like a heart. No manipulation, no photoshop magic, just a wound in the shape of a heart. Just love the poetry of it all...


my lil' sis...always likes to do things her way, never one to blend in but as all-American beautiful as a girl can get



Can't wait to share some more...they are so special to me. Capturing someone you love as much as I love these two, well it truly fills me up.

Oh wait...one more thing!


Just wanted to share an update for those that may not already know-

I won the contest on Me Ra's blog! Woohoo!

Thanks for all of the support, comments, encouragement and love...definitely keeps me going when the details of daily life sometimes get in the way of my personal ambitions...

joyful

let me introduce you to Kara. Kara is a fairly new friend of mine. she's one of those girls who you just love to be around. she has this amazing outlook on life, the glass is always half full kind of girl. it was such a joy to be able to photograph Kara with her kids. Only thing missing was her husband Jeff, but I look forward to the day when I can photograph the whole gang! Our session was actually the first time I had met her kids and let me tell you, they are a shining example of what a dedicated mother looks like. Here are Kara and her babies...


This is David. David is sweeter than candy...and wow what soulful eyes this little guy has! It's no surprise he and Emma were fast friends, he's gonna be a little heartbreaker!


Next up is Allie! She is such a cutie pie and just has this great adventurous spirit. I would watch her during the session exploring and climbing up in trees...she was fun to try and catch up with during the shoot. She was also so great with little David, always loving on him and being a little mommy. It reminded me of how I was with my lil' sisters...


And last but not least Ashley. At her young age, she's already a head turner and quite the natural in front of the camera. She was always ready for the shot and I think her kind and beautiful spirit really shine through. She has this amazing smile that lights up an entire room...the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.


Here's one more, I just couldn't resist!


Thanks guys for a great shoot! It's always a pleasure to spend time with your amazing family! Kara your outlook on life and the way you embrace everyday is truly an inspiration to me. You find the light in any situation and your smile is infectious. You have a beautiful family, inside and out...

A is for...

Anniversary! 15 years today! Happy Anniversary to my most AMAZING husband Matt!!!

wow, how did we get here?! It's been a crazy fun ride, all the while living it side by side with my best friend. in my wildest dreams I could never have imagined as an 18 yr. old girl where my life would take me. all i knew was i was in love. back then, nothing else mattered. and even now, nothing else really matters. we have created our own little bubble, a quiet place from the noise of the world, from the noise of ourselves. we have remained the best of friends. there has never been a time since I've known him that we haven't been the best of friends. we were meant to be. we were meant to find each other early in life. earlier than our understanding could explain what and why we committed so early, so easily, so completely.

you, my love, have always always been there. in my darkest hours, in my happiest of days. even if not physically. but the power of your love transcends space and time. you have been my biggest cheerleader, my most honest critic, all the while doing it with love and purity of heart. i really have no idea why i have been so blessed to have a man love me as much as you have, as much as you do. and what a gift to share our love for each other with our girls. thank you for never giving up on me, thank you for always seeing the best in me even when i couldn't see it in myself.

it's hard to wrap your head around 15 years. We've lived an adventure, moving from Arizona to California to South Carolina to Arizona to Missouri to Washington to California and now to Florida! And maybe even Hawaii as soon as February??! I can't even keep track anymore lol. But the amazing thing, the most rewarding thing is we've journeyed together. It hasn't always been easy, it still isn't. It's work, lots of talks when you don't want to, lots of humble pie. But I know we're gonna make it...it's always been kind of us against the world. we're stronger, wiser, just better together. life is always better when we're together...goodnight my love in your far away place and know that my heart has yearned to hold you on our very special day...

i was looking for some pics to post and i thought i would share these. they were done at the end of the session that i did with Matt and the girls before he left. i learned from Me Ra that many times your best photos will come when the session is through, when you aren't expecting to take a picture. We were walking to our cars and i saw this booth. I couldn't have had a better model for what i was trying to express, and though some have questioned Matt's use of botox lol, he's not typically a guy who's comfortable in front of the camera. it was fun, serious and just a connection of such a range of emotions we were both feeling at the time...we both knew we were headed for a lot of "change". it's really not meant to be political, though some may interpret it as so. it's really meant as a face on the journey of change, the sun setting in the background, it couldn't have been more perfect. something I'm really proud of as an artist. hope you find our love inspiring, as imperfect as it is. hope you find in these what change means to you...





Happy Anniversary Honey! My love for you will never Change!

thankful

i had a plan today. a small plan. wake up, take Natalie my 9 yr old to her guitar camp, come home with my lil' Emmers and mow the lawn. i only had 2 hours to play with, wasn't showered and the grass- well it's completely out of control. so the morning was going to be all about those tall blades of grass that have been calling my name with every daily rain shower, teasing me with every reverse out of the driveway. and yes i am acutely aware that i could save myself a lot of sweat and definitely could have avoided the weed wacker injury i inflicted upon myself a few weeks ago (picture an ankle that looks like it's been scratched Freddy Kruger style by a ferocious tiger!) if i just hired someone to handle this business! but no, not me- at least not yet!

mowing for me has become sort of a feminist, i am woman, i can do it, hear me roar, watch me mow kind of thing lol. i think i developed a love for mowing from my friend Stacey. we used to be neighbors and i would watch her mow like it was a religion. she would try different patterns, and sometimes it would seem like she would mow just for the fun of it. but i grew to think of her mowing as a kind of silent strength. and it reminded me of when i was a kid and I HAD to mow. even though i hated every minute of it, in my defiance i think i started to enjoy the art of pushing and mulling the grass into something new. in my teen years i would mow in the Arizona sun, at the hottest time of the day wearing my bikini top and enjoying my extra "tan" time. so now, when i mow, it's certainly not in a bikini but i do have my ipod on, and i think of it as a free workout. a way to tune out the world, listen to my favorite songs, and watch my babies play all at the same time.

ok, so back to today. no mowing occurred. though i think i may have done some internal mowing. some weed clearing. before i went out to mow i plopped down with my laptop to check my emails and traveled to Me Ra's blog as I so often do. as i mentioned in the last post i tried to submit pics for the contest, a late night- wild hair- no chickening out this time- braveheart -throw it to the wind- maybe it will work move. and...my heart was jumping out of my chest as i scrolled down the page and saw i was one of the finalists. i gathered myself, took a breath and started from the beginning. reading it in order, like it was someone else's work on the page. i am so blown away by the other images, if you haven't already you really should check them out http://www.merakohblog.com/.

i rode the wave; smiling ear to ear at the 1st one, captivated by the 2nd one, crying at the 3rd one (actually sobbing at this point so i had to pause to breathe!), reminiscing with the 4th one (it so reminds me of the easiness and joy we felt living in San Diego just a few short years ago) and then mine. just feeling immensely proud to see my husband and baby girl on the screen and slightly embarassed that i put myself out there in this way. tears rolled, lots...

today has been an emotional journey for me. reading the comments and what people see when they look at your photo, well it's very powerful...very moving. it is so special to see women encouraging each other, lifting them up and empowering them to go forth in the world and give every bit of themselves. i think every artist, every person wants to feel like people truly see who they are. that there is a truth in what they see and that what they're feeling or living or creating is conveyed. i think that's what i will take from this. while i do feel a bit naked (or maybe like i'm still wearing that too small bikini top out in my front lawn!) I feel stronger for it and empowered by it. and for that i am thankful.

don't lock away your dreams. don't cage your passions...




make a wish and be ready for what you wish for- sometimes wishes do come true (even in spite of ourselves!

Dad's photo contest

OK, so this is the last serious post I'm gonna do for awhile. I'm thinking the theme for July is gonna be all about FUN!

At the 11th hour last night (actually 3am this morning 12PT) I finally had the guts to submit a few photos for Me Ra Koh's photo contest.
http://www.merakohblog.com/category/contests/

I was going to submit for the last contest but I chickened out. So after committing to myself that I would try it this time, of course nothing was working properly. I received email failure notices left and right and so I'm doubting they even got through! So, I am sharing what I wrote and the photos with you, because they are special and dear to me and because my husband so deserves the shout out!

"Me Ra and Brian,

It's difficult to send these pics but I'm doing it in spite of the tears. It's actually therapeutic to look at them again, a reminder of what's missing and what we have to look forward to. Matt left in early June to ____, a __month deployment. He's in a pretty safe place, but it's the longest we've ever been apart. Even though we've started to grow accustomed to seperation (especially this past year), it's hard to comprehend time in months and days. But seasons, that's where it feels the hardest. Missing summer, fall...we'll see you in winter. Before Christmas, at least that's a blessing. I don't know how to describe Matt other than he is my best friend. We've been married 15 years this July, since I was 18 and he was 20. He has always been my best friend, but at that young age I couldn't have possibly known the man he would become. Or the father he would be. Nothing matters more to him than his "girls"; me, Natalie and Emma. He fills us up, he makes us believe in fairytales. He is my rock, my dream come true, my hero. Sometimes I wish I could be more like him. Being a dad is the most natural thing to him, he does it so effortlessly. He wrestles, laughs, tickles, teases, listens, hugs, kisses, and just plain is present with every possible inch of his being. Before he left he asked if I would do a session of him and the girls. My first real session after Sonoma, he wanted me to pretend like they were my clients and meet them at the location and everything. He wouldn't even drive with me! He said, "honey you better get going, you're gonna be late for that session and don't you want to get there early?".  I'm like uh yeah ok lol! So there they were, meeting me about 20 min. from the house ready to give me who they are. I have barely edited these pictures. I have barely been able to open them and really dig into them. I was going to send him some for Father's Day... but I just wasn't ready. I think they are just so raw for me. I see a struggle in them. On one hand, I see Matt being the dad who my girls trust wholely and completely. And I see how much they adore each other. But I also see and feel what's to come. The stress and heaviness of what we are about to go through and how he takes it all and puts it squarely on his shoulders. Thanks Me Ra and Brian for letting me share a little of who we are with you."













The last pic was taken after some slip & slide fun the day before he left. I hope this gives you an insight into the kind of dad Matt is...from the necklace Emma made him that he refused to take off to the joy and fun they have together. Nothing beats the complete protection, trust and love they feel when they're in his arms.

I would love to hear what makes your husband or father a good dad. Is it a quiet strength? An ability to understand you? What moves you about the man you have chosen or the father you were given?

*Listening to Justin Nozuka "After Tonight" check it out-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hgGkJez6pcM