first (1st)

First I want to say a big THANK YOU!
To all who have read my blog, taken the time to post comments, and then share it and pass it along to others. All of the positive feedback, hugs and high fives really keep me wanting to come back and share some more...it has truly been a gift. What started out as a way to showcase my photography has turned into so much more, it has been an amazing outlet for me to express myself not just with photos, but with words.

As some of you may already know, my first love was always writing. Writing has always been a sacred act to me. Something I love to do, yet only on my own terms. Though I am finding the same is true with photography. I don't just see what I'm doing as a task or a business. More, a work of art. I want to feel something...give something and take away something from each and every experience.

I thought I would major in English in college, because it seemed like a natural turn for a "writer". Yet, I didn't like that when I read something there was a "right" interpretation of the works that I read. I would question the professors, "how do you know that this was what the writer was thinking?". Or my answers or picture I painted of the words would always be different from the others, what they took from the works. And now, I realize that my frustration in these experiences is a glimpse into who I am as an artist. I don't want to be pinned down to being a certain style, or having a certain strength. I want to convey an emotion, an emotion of your choice. Because does it really matter what I am trying to capture for you the viewer? What matters is what you see, how it makes you feel and I want you to create your own story. That's the beauty of art...of life. No one person sees anything the same. We bond with people who are similar to us almost as often as people who are our opposites. Because each and every person brings out a different side of who we are, a piece of the proverbial puzzle. But ultimately in the end, we add our own music. The sounds of our life tapes and what plays when we see a child smile, a couple embracing, a baby crying. Trying to capture these moments, glimpses into time and space is a magical endeavor. I am a dreamer by nature, and it's been a great joy to start bringing all of my closely held dreams into reality.

So here I go, back to firsts.
As I am building, growing and nurturing my art, I am also awakening myself to stages of my life that have lead me here. I remember being in the 3rd grade like it was yeterday. Being bussed to a magnet school in an inner city neighborhood for that year. I was a part of their gifted program and chosen as one of two kids in the whole school to be a photographer. I remember feeling so special! Somehow I still have a picture of myself that I developed in the dark room some 20 plus years ago. The hair is oh so bad! I had beautiful long flowing hair that always had french braids or homemade barettes (made by my mom with special braided ribbons hanging down). Then the school had a lice epidemic (yikes) and hence the chop chop scary hair!

It's kind of funny to look back at when I first fell in love with photography, kind of funny that it's the same age as my oldest daughter. Sometimes you spend your whole life searching for things that are right in front of you. Kind of makes you want to stop and listen, feel, look around a little more. You never know what else you might find if you stop searching far and wide and look a little closer to home...

Goodbyes are hard

I guess I should say So Long, not Goodbye. That's what my husband says. But either way, there is time and space between us...as vast as the universe and deep as the ocean. And there are stages. There are waves of emotions, moments where you are overcome and can't breathe. There are moments of still and calm, where you feel motionless- paralyzed. And then there are moments of peace and faith. That God will carry us through, each one of us and will make us stronger as he always does. 

It has been over 3 weeks since my husband deployed. We are in for a long one, though not as long as some. We have become used to seperation, it is the life we have chosen. But explaining that to your kids, well it makes you question everything. 

I am so amazingly proud of us. I am proud of the man that cares for us in such a way that when he is absent, it is a shock to our system.  I am proud that I can get out of bed, care for my girls and nourish my dreams. It is tricky not to wish time away. Because time is counted; in days, in weeks, months, seasons, occasions and holidays. So it seems important to make time count for something, something that can be measured to make all of the difficulty seem worth at least a portion of what it could have been.

Here are a few of the images I took of Emma as daddy was packing (how do you even pack for that long?! It's kind of a joke>). The last few times he's left she has gotten into his suitcases as he goes through his rituals of checklists and laying everything out. She says to him she is coming with him in his suitcase...not this time Emmers.

Matt if you can read this, we miss you and love you more than words!

hair we go!

Spending time playing catchup is never fun...but it has to get done. I am one of those girls who loves to shoot, because for one it's FUN! But also, because it gives me such a charge- a feeling of connecting, and there is an unbelievable intimacy between the person taking the picture and the person being captured. It is such a challenge for me to take what I see, what my spirit feels when I look at a person and portray that through the camera. 

But as I have learned that is only the beginning. In order to really give that image the finishing touch, one must EDIT, and edit some more. So as the work has started to backup I have started to dive in and complete some sessions. Which for an artist is never easy. It's  not easy to say, "I'm done" with a piece, with a body of work. But holding onto something, not releasing it for fear that it could be better, it's not perfect enough- well let's just say these are just negative tapes that we play for ourselves and I'm not allowing mine to play anymore.

So, I've finally finished working on a session of my dear friend and neighbor Joselyn.  I had talked to her before about taking her pic, but on this day she had just come home from a big all-day workshop that she helped put together. One especially for women, one where she gave these women lifechanging makeovers.  We were chatting as she came home and I said "I've just got to take your picture, you look so great!"


I ran in and grabbed my camera and she wasn't so sure.  The makeover people also did her hair and makeup and she was feeling out of her element. She doesn't typically let her hair down, and she is very particular about her hair. She doesn't like to feel overcome by her hair, she likes to be in control of as she calls it "the hair" and she definitely doesn't like it if she thinks "the hair" is "too big"!


I already knew about her love/hate relationship with her hair (don't we all have one?!) and I think that's why I wanted to grab my camera and capture her vulnerability but also that she was completely beautiful with her hair down. That this was just another side to who she is, and I wanted her to see that side for what it is; 

beautiful

strong

feminine.

Thanks Joselyn, for keeping me centered and being such a kind and giving friend. You are a blessing to all those who know you...